Maureen put out the idea of spending this final week of BEDA (sad panda) looking back on what you hoped to accomplish and trying to interact more with the community. I have about 30 minutes to post this, eat dinner, and pass out so I don't die due to exhaustion, so I'm going to babble about why I am doing this and try interacting with people again tomorrow.
Originally, I decided to take part in BEDA as a way to force myself to write and be creative. My job is killing me by inches and I've let a lot of things I've wanted to do over the past 4 months slide because I told myself I couldn't do them with the schedule I'm working. It's true, it's hard to get things going when I'm running around like a chicken with the head cut off, but that's not really an excuse. I'm letting it go, all the things I really want, and that is not right. BEDA was a reason to focus and do something fairly easy, babble for a couple minutes into a blog that almost no one reads and force myself to start taking it back. Inch by inch, word by word, I was going to claw my way, kicking and screaming, into the life I want to have instead of the one I keep feeling I am inevitably forced to lead.
Now, I've learned that being this free, babbling without worry, saying things without an audience in mind, is really great. You have to let go of the fear in order to overcome it. Since so much of my life has been ruled by fear, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, I need to get over the fear and just be happy doing what I do. Every day, with each stupid little blog, I feel a little stronger, a little more myself again. Granted, it's making it harder and harder to go to sleep so early and get up at 3 a.m. for work, but I feel that, whatever may come, I'll be alright in the end.
Who would have thought something as simple as a blog would make me feel like a stronger person after only a month?
Song of the Day: Tricky - Hollow
Feeling pretty chill today, let's go with a little Tricky as our song of the day, shall we?
I'm kind of digging putting up music with every post, think I may keep that up until the end of this thing.
Anyway, that's all for today. Tomorrow? Who the heck knows?!?
Anthony
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Don't be a sad panda, you can blog every day of any month, if you want to!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're getting out of BEDA what you hoped you would. I can relate to not really feeling like yourself, it's so awkward.
And you get up at 3:00 in the morning? Every day?! You are crazy!